Bedtime

Five minutes before bed
fussing whimpering
besos nuh-nuh blessings on heads
tucked in loved on
smiles and sighs

then peace sweet slumber

Wow God these are mine

Perfectionist

This was a poem I wrote for an assignment where each line had to contain exactly three syllables. It's dated 1/24/2001. Hopefully you can catch on to the tongue-in-cheekiness of my poetry.

Perfectionist
Listen up!
Perfection
grows on you.
Starts out small,
you try hard
for one thing
and then when
you achieve,
you go on
trying to
do one more.
Good becomes
better, and
better, best.
Perfection
does not end
with success
just one time.
It grew on
me and now
I can't stop
Don't want to!
Achievement
is too sweet.
I may not
ever be
perfect but
I can try.

Oh, Now I Remember!

I've been working on a special blog post (which you will see soon) and began searching through my old notebooks and journals from college. I found some journals that are 11 years old! One in particular excited me; it was from a creative writing class I took my freshman year at Central Michigan University. It had to be my favorite elective class (hands down!) but I all but completely forgot about it! Some of my writing assignments (complete with my professor Eric Togerson's raving reviews, I might add) were in the journal, and I'm so impressed with myself (haha) that I am going to share some of these poems with you.  Enjoy. *These are all dated spring of 2001.*

I

want

to share with

you a special picture.

Come, look over here, in this

window, through the lace and sparkling

clean glass. Behind us the sun hasn't begun to 

set, yet but beyond the window ensues a race against time.

You see a mother and her children scurrying around the house, everyone with a job to do,

all of them working as though the Queen of England were coming to examine their

home. You see the mother going from room to room, supervising the children

and the chores, and preparing the dinner. For a while it seems as though 

the house gets messier before it gets cleaner, but in a big house like 

this, that's how it is. What are they preparing for? There is a 

word for it, Shabbat, Sabbath, the day of rest. Everything must be

ready for Shabbat. When the father returns home from shul, the whole

house is in order, the dinner is ready, and two special loaves of lovely braided

bread, Hallah, are on the table beside the glass of wine and the two tall beautiful

white candles. The weariness of the week melts away, and a peaceful spirit descends on 

the family gathering around the table. We can't see inside 

the window very well because the sun has set. When 

three stars appear above, the mother lights the

two white candles, and the father blesses 

the wine and the bread and gathers 

his children and wife around 

so he can give a blessing to

each one in

love

Andy Andrews-The Traveler's Gift

This is from the book The Traveler's Gift: Seven Decisions that Determine Personal Success.I highly recommend this book. It is very easy to read, just a little every day to chew on. In light of my last post, you will see why this particular chapter helped me so much. (The following is taken with respect from the book, verbatim. You can visit Andy Andrews' website by clicking here.)

The Compassionate Decision
I Will Greet This Day With a Forgiving Spirit.
For too long, every ounce of forgiveness I owned was locked away, hidden from view, waiting for me to bestow its precious presence upon some worthy person.  Alas, I found most people to be singularly unworthy of my valuable forgiveness and, since they never asked for any, I kept it all for myself.   Now, the forgiveness that I hoarded has sprouted inside my heart like a crippled seed yielding bitter fruit.
No more!  At this moment, my life has taken on new hope and assurance.  Of all the world’s population, I am one of the few possessors of the secret to dissipating anger and resentment.  I now understand that forgiveness only has value when it is given away.  By the simple act of granting forgiveness, I release the demons of the past about which I can do nothing and create in myself a new heart, a new beginning.
I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit.  I will forgive even those who do not ask for forgiveness.  Many are the times when I have seethed in anger at a word or deed thrown into my life by an unthinking or uncaring person.  Valuable hours have been wasted imagining revenge or confrontation.  Now I see the truth revealed about this psychological rock inside my shoe.  The rage I nurture is often one-sided, for my offender seldom gives thought to his offense!
I will now and forevermore silently offer my forgiveness even to those who do not see that they need it.  By the act of forgiving, I am no longer consumed by unproductive thoughts.  My bitterness is given up.  I am contented in my soul and effective again with my fellow man.
I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit.  I will forgive those who criticize me unjustly.
Knowing that slavery, in any form, is wrong, I also know that the person who lives a life according to the opinion of others is a slave.  I am not a slave.  I have chosen my own counsel.  I know the difference between right and wrong.  I know what is best for the future of my family, and neither misguided opinion nor unjust criticism will alter my course.
Those who are critical of my goals and dreams simply do not understand the higher purpose to which I have been called.  Therefore, their scorn does not affect my attitude or action.  I forgive their lack of vision and forge ahead.  I now know that criticism is part of the price paid for leaping past mediocrity.
I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit.  I will forgive myself.  For many years, my greatest enemy has been myself.  Every mistake, every miscalculation, every stumble I made has been replayed over and over in my mind.  Every broken promise, every day wasted, every goal not reached has compounded the disgust I feel for the lack of achievement in my life.  My dismay has developed a paralyzing grip.  When I disappoint myself, I respond with inaction and become more disappointed.
I realize today that it is impossible to fight an enemy living in my head.  By forgiving myself, I erase the doubts, fears, and frustration that have kept my past in the present.  From this day forward, my history will cease to control my destiny.  I have forgiven myself.  My life has just begun. I will forgive even those who do not ask for forgiveness.  I will forgive those who criticize me unjustly.  I will forgive myself.
I   w i l l   g r e e t   t h i s   d a y   w i t h   a   f o r g i v i n g   s p i r i t.  

Freedom Lives Here -How good it is to be free

I'm almost 30 years old. OK not really. I've just hit the 28 1/2 mark, so I am nearing the end of my twenties, and I feel that a certain chapter in my life is coming to a close. Really it can't close quickly enough for me, but I know there are still a few lessons to be learned before I can close the book that was my twenties and get on with it already!
If you know me at all you know the past few years have been very dramatic. Up and down, high and low, sink or swim. The down, low and sink parts are what I want to close away and forget about, but if I forget about them, I know that the next chapter or book of my life will probably just be a repeat of the last one. I have finally gotten to a point where I can be honestly grateful for what I have learned from all of my experiences (note: I did not say grateful FOR the experiences. I am not, and probably never will be grateful for some of those), and I am almost ready to forgive myself for all of the mistakes I have made. I mean, what's the point of holding a grudge against myself, holding myself in contempt and resenting my own happiness when the Living God who created me and saved me views me as whole, redeemed and free?
Here's the way I see it lately. The redeemed, whole and free part doesn't change on a daily basis. My to-do list changes, and the checks I get to mark off on that list changes, but my status in the eyes of my Father doesn't. Even if I don't get to put any check mark on my list at all.
I learned to have perfectionist mindsets, impossibly high standards, and critical judgement of most things that don't go my way.  I also tend to perform very low according to my standards.  I've spent years and years laying out all my measuring cups and pouring myself in, only to come up 1/2 cup short.  Its a plague, really. It puts one in such a dark state of mind.
It's not about not reaching my goals, or not having high standards. I am learning that those can become my good qualities, and not bad ones, once I take to heart that the power to achieve excellence is already in me-its the same power that raised Christ from the dead. Whew, no pressure on me anymore! The power comes from God.   Each day is new, with new mercy...I will greet each day with a forgiving spirit, and I will first forgive myself, so that I am free to forgive others all day long.

Fly-Beckah Shae

*This is one of my favorite songs. Click the video and follow along with the lyrics.*

Fly-Beckah Shae

Here is where I belong now

High above the fear and doubt

I know nothing can keep me down

Everywhere I look is up,

It’s the only way that I can fly

With the Son in my eyes

I’ve got love, peace and a sound mind

Rising above the clouds and the rain

I know it’s gonna be ok

I’ll never give up

No matter what comes my way

Cause tomorrow always brings a new day

Fly, Fly, Fly higher and higher

Fly, Fly, Fly I can feel my faith arise!

Here is where my joy is found

High above the tears and frowns

Cause in Your presence I’m no longer bound

Looking forward to the great unknown

Cause it is well with my soul

I put my trust in You alone

Cause I know You are faithful

And as I wait

You give me new strength

To run and not grow weary, walk and not faint

Soaring on love

With forgiveness as the key

I’m unlocking Your truth and freedom in me

Fly, Fly, Fly higher and higher

Fly, Fly, Fly I can feel my faith arise!

Soaring, Exploring,

In new realms of glory

Oh I see, Your majesty

And I am amazed!

You cover me with your feathers

Under Your wings I am safe

I hear the beating of Your heart

And I know I’m in the right place

Fly, Fly, Fly higher and higher

Fly, Fly, Fly I can feel my faith arise!

Hero For A Day- Ann

Ann's birthday was February 13, and I worked that whole weekend so I let her birthday post sit in my drafts until I had time to devote to sitting down and finishing it. I finally decided that if I waited until the post was "good enough" to adequately honor Ann, it would never get posted. I hope I have been able to express how important she is, and to let you know just what a hero she is.



Definition of a Mother: Ann

Prior to August 1, 2008, I don't think I had ever talked to Ann on the phone! She is my aunt on my father's side (his youngest sister) and due to conflict with my parents I rarely saw that side of the family while growing up. I only saw them on the occasional holiday or birthday/graduation. Since that day in August, I'm sure we've clocked thousands of minutes on the phone, and she has become one of the most important people in my life. In fact we talk so much that I've had to switch to Verizon!

I don't know how to describe the amazing things that Ann and Jim have done for the family. I guess I will just try to describe Ann and that will have to do for now.

Ann loves the people she is supposed to love. Fiercely. I'm still somewhat bewildered by how she loves her nieces and nephews. When she says "like my own children" I really believe her because her actions show it. She stays up late, gets up early, drives around town like a mad woman, and works long hours all for "her children". She and Jim took on the extra work load three new children bring, all at a moment's notice, and completely disrupted her own family life, because she loves the people she is supposed to love.

She shows her love by caring what her peeps are going through. She knows that actions lead to results, and doesn't hesitate to step in and voice a concern or two (or ten) if she thinks the actions may lead to an ugly result. That's hard to do. You have to be willing to make someone mad on the off chance that they might just listen to you, and make the right choice. Her motives are always clear, and they are never to hurt you, only to help. Even when it hurts her to step up and speak out.

One of the things I love most about Ann is her ability to wait. She can get piping hot mad about something (the phrase "NOW, I'm pissed!" simply must be mentioned here!) but waits for the "right place, right time" to say something. I have known her to agonize for months before having a talk with someone because she doesn't want to do it in anger, or in a way that would unduly hurt someone who has already been hurt. She strives to never fly off her cuff and deal with a big issue lightly, or too quickly. She senses when to wait.

Ann keeps her advice simple and easy to follow. I'll never forget when Eva was born. I was stressed about keeping my house perfect, spending time with my small boys, nursing, and everything else under the moon. Ann called me one morning and stopped me as soon as I began griping. "Kathleen, when your children are older, when they look back at this time in their lives they will remember having a crabby, bitchy tired mom way more than they will remember whether or not the house was perfect!" That was just what I needed-permission to leave the housework (even if for just a bit!) and go read a story to my little loveys.

Ann is my hero for so many more reasons besides these. I just have to get this out there. I wish I had all the time in the world to tell you all how much I appreciate her friendship to me.

Ann, I think you are a lot of peoples' Hero. Love you.